The more free and transparent you become,
the more you’re constantly
bewildered by yourself.
Because you’re no longer stuck
in some mental image
of how you ‘should’ be,
how you ‘should’ think or feel or act.
You’ve lost the old reference points.
Even the ‘spiritual’ ones.
You’re more and more of a mystery to yourself,
yet you know yourself more deeply than ever.
How can this be?
More bewildered than ever,
yet rock solid in Knowing?
Yes. Awakening doesn’t make you into a special person.
An expert. A guru. A perfect being. The best.
It makes you as vast as the night sky.
It returns you to Wonder. To the Wild.
It destroys ‘you’ as you knew yourself.
You know so much less.
But you Know so much more.
You are imperfect but you are free.
It is a divine bewilderment.
It is a second childhood.
It is a homecoming.
Thank you life, for making me doubt
everything I thought I knew.
And guiding me back
– Jeff Foster