A Different Take on Forgiveness


“Forgiveness is not a concept. It’s a process. And, if you choose not to forgive at the end of that process, you are not a bad human. No-forgive and forget, works too. It’s okay to not forgive in certain situations. It doesn’t mean you are not spiritual. It doesn’t mean that you are unresolved. It doesn’t mean you will come back in the next lifetime to live it out again. The assumption that forgiving the abuser is the benchmark of a completed emotional and karmic process is the mistake. It’s another way the New Cage movement insensitively vilifies the victim. The real benchmark of resolution is whether we have gone through our emotional process authentically and have arrived at a place where the negative charge around the experience has dissipated. Perhaps we learned some lesson, or perhaps we just feel liberated from the memories—the important thing is that we feel at peace again. Focusing on our responsibility to forgive a wrongdoer sidetracks the whole process. If it’s there, it’s there. If it’s not, it’s not. Just because you don’t choose to forgive doesn’t mean you haven’t let go yet. Maybe you realize forgiveness is not essential to your healing, and not your responsibility. Some of us actually heal and choose not to forgive. Imagine that.” –Excerpt taken from ‘Spiritual Graffiti’ (image from Naldz Graphics) 


8 thoughts on “A Different Take on Forgiveness

  1. I agree. I have always loved the concept of forgive for yourself..or forgive you. Not always a need to forgive a perpetrator to heal. xxx

    • This is a new and profound concept for me CC. I’m still wrapping my head around it, but it gives me reassurance for the few ppl/situations that I’ve made peace with but forgiveness isn’t actually there. And that’s ok.

      • Yes, I find it gave me a lot of peace when I first struggled with people preaching forgiveness in the abuse survivor circles. Even non-religious ones, such as therapists.
        I found it one that I came to on my own. I thought, hmmm, I don’t have to forgive everyone, but forgive myself, yes.
        I consider learning to let go..forgiveness. As you see, I am …a work in progress on that. I think in some situations…it is maybe meant to be…

        Much love, CC

  2. I’m from the school
    Of forgiving myself
    In that
    Begins the process
    It time
    I’ve can rest
    And possibly come to yet a place where I can forgive
    But as I stated
    Forgiving myself comes first
    Like you said there’s to weight on forgiveness
    Thank you for your like

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